Formerly Known as "Anonymous Army Wife"

This blog started in January 06 as a way to record the emotional ride I was facing when my soldier deployed to Iraq. I was worried about being a single mom to 3yr old twins and 10 yr old twins without doing any permanent damage that may require them to be sent to therapy later on in life. The marriage didn't survive, now I'm starting over. Join me through the ups and downs, the laughter and the tears as you peek into a day in the life of a former "Anonymous Army Wife"

: Name: Kristin; Location: Wherever the Army Sends us, United States

THE ARMY WIFE--He takes her from the home she knows to lands of which are new -- Survival in an unknown place becomes her test of truth -- Her burdens are of many and his thanks sometimes are small -- She keeps her faith through thick and thin and makes the best of all -- She lives with some uncertainty know not what dawn may bring -- But he knows nothing stops his girl from doing anything -- Whether star or stripe or bar adorns his collar for his strife -- Nothing means more to a soldier than the one he calls his wife. -Author Unknown (Any of y'all buy that crap?)

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Friday, January 27, 2012

I Have No Clue What Day it is

Sonny called and asked me to do his taxes. I told him I did not have a problem but I would need to know his "official" marital status. One of the questions asked is, "Have you been married or divorced this past year?" From what I know, he has been twice married and at least once divorced. But I'm not certain.

He was skyping with the kids the other night and he told them to add Ms. Yvette (the one from Texas) to their skype list. Tre went to add her and her name is Yvette Young. So none of us can figure out who he's married to and he does not feel it is our business. All I can do is shake my head. Both Adele and Yvette have his last name and both Adele and Yvette think they are in a relationship with him. Both Adele and Yvette think they are the only ones.

I told him until I have accurate information, I cannot, in good conscience, do his taxes. It sounds like a messy situation. I don't think I want my fingerprints anywhere near that situation.

I have to give blood work every day for the next 6 months. They drew 12 tubes of blood from me today. I was light-headed afterwards. I have to do this every day for an eternity. This is not going to be inconvenient at all!

I'm not in pain today. I feel pretty good. I've never been so tired of being cooped up in my house. I'm getting ready to drive Bre and her friend up to ArtSports so they can practice their tumbling for a few hours.

The babies have two basketball games tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to getting out of the house for those!

Then next weekend I get a break from here and get to get out of town for a few days. I'm really excited about that.

I hear the girls hinting from downstairs, not so subtly, that I'm holding them up.

Gotta run.

Over This

The last few days have not been fun. But I have learned a lot about the people in my life and I have a new found appreciation for two of them. My Mom of course has been a huge help. I don't know what I would have done without her. My friend F has also really been there for me. He and I have had our ups and downs but he could not have been a better friend to me than the way he was the last few days. I'm going to work on being a better friend to him.

I'm starting to get cabin fever. I will get out today to have some blood work done. F offered to take me and I may take him up on it just so I can have some company. I didn't sleep well last night. The kids just left for school and the house is way too quiet. I'm so ready to put this behind me.

Done already.*Sigh*

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Assessed by Dr McG

I just got back from my primary care doctor (formerly known as Dr. McGorgeous) this morning. It looks like I may be a coumadin clinic patient for the rest of my life while having to take that dreadful drug. He is first sending me to a Hematologist for a consult to see what the Hematologist thinks is best for my stubborn blood that is insistent on coagulating a bit too easily. I have to get blood work done everyday in the near future so they can measure something or other. And he put in a referral to the coumadin clinic so that can get me to a proper dosage of coumadin and continue to monitor me from here out........until I die.

This could have been much worse, I know. But I'm a self-admitted big a$$ baby. This sucks. I don't have time to deal with this.

The pain is better today. Just uncomfortable enough to annoy the hell outta me.

It looks like I am able to go back to work Monday. He said I can get back in the gym as soon as the pain subsides.

So ready to put this behind me.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Just Not Having It

I am having a hard time with these Lovenex shots. I'm not afraid of needles, not at all. But I have discovered that I am not capable of stabbing myself with one. I've tried. I will get it all positioned and start counting, "one, two, thr......" but I can't bring myself to stab it in and break the skin.

Thankfully, my Mom has been nice enough to come over twice today to give me my belly shots. She also bought me a sharps disposal container for the old needles.

I was bored out of my mind today. I did a lot of staring at the ceiling, feeling completely useless. I go to see my primary care doctor in the morning. Mom is coming to pick me up and take me.Being the nerd I am, I'm already ahead 2 weeks on my school work. I don't want to get any further ahead until the stuff I have submitted has been graded and I see how the professor feels about the work I do to see if I need to change up anything I've been doing.

I talked to the man for a little bit today in the midst of his busy travels. I really wish just the sound of his voice did not have such an affect on me. I've got to get tougher. Missing him this bad is not helping things.

This blood clot crap is a minor setback and is not going to detour me from my goals this year. I'm trying so hard not to sink into depression. It's hard to keep your mind busy when you can't keep your body busy. When these things dissolve I'm going to be unstoppable.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

It's Ba-aaack

Well, tonight sucked. I spent over 5 hours in the ER. Luckily it wasn't in the waiting room of the ER. I had a nice comfy bed, and TV and they had the lights turned down. They actually got me in and talking to a doctor less than 10 after arriving. So, besides feeling sorry for myself that I was there all alone, it was a pretty relaxing setting. Oh yeah, AND they didn't have Lifetime, so I missed my Dance Moms fix.

But anyway......

My friggin blood clots are back. AKA deep vein thrombosis. And I know I said I wouldn't cuss on my blog this year but DAMN IT!

They found one in my pelvis, which is the same place I had one after I had was pregnant with the boys. Then a new one in my calf.

I'm back on Coumadin and I have to give myself shots of Lovenex, twice daily in the stomach.

I'm pissed. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I'm in pain. But most of all, I'm tired of being broken!

I'm sure I drove everyone nuts while I was laid up in the ER with all of my texts. I was texting Mom giving her a play by play of everything the doctor said so that she could translate it to my simple mind. I was texting the kids making sure everyone had their homework done and their clothes picked out for tomorrow. I was texting a coworker who listened to me complain all day at work how much my leg hurt, he asked for an update once I got to the hospital......guess I went overboard. And I texted the man because he always has a way of making me feel better.

I didn't mean to get on anyone's nerves. I was just scared. I needed the distraction.

Mom is convinced I should still be laid up in the hospital but I am so glad to be at home in my own bed! I don't think I would have done well by myself having to stay in the hospital. I'm a big baby. Besides, the kids need me here. I guess the lovenex starts dissolving the clots pretty quick. It's not like when I had this last time and they had to give me medicine through an IV. Apparently, this shot I take twice daily along with the coumadin blood thinners will dissolve it. It's unknown right now how long I'll have to do the meds. Last time I was on coumadin for a year. It was not fun. Every time I brushed my teeth my gums bled like I was having major surgery.

I'm still scared. But I am thankful it was caught in time before something life threatening happened.

I've got things to do and kids to raise. I can't go anywhere yet.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Let The Music Play

I got to enjoy hearing Tre sing at church youth services tonight. Having the youth services on Sunday night is throwing off our schedule just a little bit. Our church is going through big changes right now due to lack of finances. Until further notice, the Wednesday night youth group is canceled. There are many disheartening changes due to forced budget cuts.

As of the first of the year we are all crammed back into one church. Prior to the financial problems, we had two campuses. One campus was more traditional with a worship service that has the choir and the bell ringers and every sits in pews. The other campus had a praise and worship band. We all sat in chairs, drank coffee and ate pastries as we listened to the sermon. This campus also housed all the youth activities. They had their own service and their own praise and worship band.

When the financial difficulties came along, we had to move out of the 2nd campus and figure out a way to house everything at the first campus. This entailed having the youth praise and worship on Sunday evenings.

We'll make the best of it. The kids said they like the idea of going to church then coming home to a big Sunday meal. It will be much less painful for the boys once football season is over. They got interrupted from watching a playoff game this evening in order to go to church. They made me play it on the car radio in the church parking lot up until the last minute before we had to go in.

I talked not too long ago about what I would do with the money if I won the lottery. Now I need to add "Help out the church". Going through change is hard no matter what. I just hate seeing things like youth programs and mission trips for the high schoolers and middle schoolers cut.

A few days ago I took Bre and her friend from dance, Ashleigh to Bre's high school talent show. There were lots of singers. There were only two or three dance numbers. There were a few instrument solo's. There were 3 bands. These bands showed me I'm old. I've never been into alternative music. To each his own. Just not my thing. I would call what I heard from those bands at the talent show punk. But Bre said it is more specifically called, screamo. That is an appropriate name for what I heard. How those kids vocal cords were not bleeding afterwards is beyond me. How my eardrums were not bleeding is beyond me.

I TRIED to find the positive in that gawd awful noise. I was trying to at least understand what they were saying and the message they were trying to convey. But I could not distinguish one single word. I just waited as patiently as possible for the song to be over.

If you've never heard it you can sample it here. Good luck to ya.

Yup, I'm old. I'm old and I'm terribly happy that my children aren't into that type of music. As close-minded as that sounds, I truly don't think my nerves could take it.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Double Trouble Hoop it Up!

Here are my babies with their post-game coaches talk after their very first official basketball team basketball game. They had so much fun! Shoot, I had so much fun! It brings back the memories of Tre playing at that age. Having 2 little stars out there at once is twice as fun. These two may surpass their big brother's legacy. Of course they have the added advantage of having a big brother that has been working with them since they could walk. I'm convinced they have the whole twin telepathy going on out there. They each just know where the other one is and played well with each other and as a part of a team overall.

Koby was the first to score for his team with an effortless layup. Jaydon was the last one of the day to put points on the board. Both of them are monsters on defense. They played hard. Both were drenched after the game. Poor JJ was red for at least an hour after the game.

I'll admit, I had to put effort into toning down my enthusiasm on the sidelines. I can't be the same competitive Mom as I am at Tre's high school games. I had to take myself back a few years to remember the etiquette of the play for fun, non-competitive ball games for the little guys. Of course, I cheered for my little guys, reminding them: "Arms up!, Defense guys! Box out! Get the rebound!" However, as expected, I clapped politely when the other team scored and made the appropriate complimentary comments when someone on the other team did something extraordinary. I was good and did not cheer when one of my kids knocked another kid on their butts. In a few years, I'll get my chance to do that.

For now, it is just a blast watching them have a blast. They really did run hard. Evidence is shown below. They each took a 2-hour nap this afternoon. They were wiped out!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Doggone It

I rented from Redbox this evening. I just finished watching Courageous, the best movie of 2012 so far to me. One of the best I've seen in...........I don't know how long. This movie me had go through all of my emotions. I laughed. I cried. I got angry. I got excited. I got sad. I felt inspired. It was great. I'm not convinced there are actually men in the world like the men in this movie. But still it was incredible and touching.

I can't wait to go to work on Monday and talk about it with my buddy "D". This is so the kind of movie he would love. I'm SURE he has seen it. If not, he'll be highly annoyed by me come 5pm on Monday afternoon.

Speaking of being annoyed..........................

Okay, I'm sleeping last night. My dog, Bo, loves to sleep in the crook behind my legs when I'm sleeping on my side. I guess it keeps him warm. If I roll over during the middle of the night, he will patiently way for me to get settled, climb over me and again snuggle up behind the backs of my knees. Last night as he was making his little nest, he carried his squeaky toy bone to lie down next to him.

No problem.

UNTIL he decided to start chewing on Mr Squeaky bone at 2am.

Squeak,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Squeak...................Squeak Squeek Squeek....................Squeek Squeek...........Squeek Squeek

Bo! Stop! I nudged him ever so gently. Well, as gently as one is capable after being woken up at 2am by squeak toy.

He would be quite for a minute. Then I would hear the faintest squeak squeak, then it got louder, squeak squeak squeak. Then he really started getting into it again. SQUEAK SQUEAK.

Grrrrr!

ENOUGH! I reach behind me and grabbed the squeaky toy and put it under my pillow. Bo sat there for a moment like, "Oh no she di'int!" He gets up in disgust and walks up to my pillow and starts pawing at my pillow.

Seriously Bo?

He finally gave up because I held it firmly in my hand under the pillow under my head. I fell back asleep.

At around 4am, I get up to go to the bathroom forgetting all about the dang toy under my pillow. I finish my business and get back into bed. I look over at my clock to calculate my remaining amount of sleep time and then I close my eyes.

squeak squeak squeak

I'm sure the little monster had been sitting and planning ever since I took that thing away. "Silly human. I'll show her for taking my squeaky bone away!" He waited until I left the room and went and stole back his bone. He thought he was slick because that last set of squeaks was coming from under my bed somewhere.

I gave in and clamped another pillow down over my head. Now all I could hear were faint muffled squeaks but I was finally able to fall back asleep.

He's lucky he's cute during the day.

A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday
waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty I know she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything
Take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath,
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday
Waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

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